Well I had my doctor's appointment today for my injection. Ugh, I must admit this time was not as painful as the last. But damn! That is the worst place to get a freaking shot!! I'm not sure if all the podiatrists use the same spot but this doc sticks you right on the inside of your heel in that fleshy little part near your arch. The stick itself doesn't hurt as much as the burning, nerve like feeling associated with it. I'm telling you I wanted to kick him in the face it's that awful. I usually tell my kids shots don't hurt and suck it up when they get one. That's because I have never felt one before so they don't bother me. I will NEVER say that to them again I can assure you of that.
I also just found out that what I am getting (cortisone injections) is actually a steroid! So now I'm panicking a bit. What the hell? Why wasn't I told this? Shouldn't I have been given a paper or something about it before the first injection? Or shouldn't he have at least said "Hey, um, you do know this is a steroid right?" And I don't even want to look it up online because then I'll see all the risks and complications and tomorrow I will have them all knowing me. I'm better off leaving it alone and hoping this week's therapy works and I can cancel next week's appointment.
Not to keep whining about it but I'm thinking he gave me a higher dose this time because I feel it still stinging and I feel nauseous and queasy. Last week's shot only kept me pain free for 4 days and upon telling him this he said this time we'll see if we can't get me "over that hump". So did he give me more than last time? Or am I just working myself up because I found out it's a steroid? I don't know. Probably the latter. I tend to make myself sick (literally) when I get worked up and stressed out. I wish I could stop doing that.
Anyway on to other sickening stuff, lol. No seriously though, lying awake last night I was thinking about stuff. I finally got to sleep at about 4/4:30. I knew that would happen. I was thinking about the stupid shot, and all the other crap going on in my life right now with the kids, and our financial situation at the moment, and my moron of a husband who I'm finding out after 11 years I just really don't like anymore. At all. But I was thinking about things that are never likely to happen. My fantasies.
For instance, only having to say one time for someone to do something and they actually doit. Or when someone spills juice or milk in the fridge that they actually grab a paper towel and clean it up right away. That the dog would stop being a little shit about the high grass outside and stop being so afraid to go out that she pisses on my rug. Or how about this... that instead of me lugging out the steam cleaner that maybe someone else will do it and clean it up?? And why is it so hard for everyone to close the shower curtain upon exiting the shower so that the water does not collect in the folds and cause mildew? Can anyone but me wipe the mirror off after brushing their teeth? I don't like seeing my reflection with little specks of white or aqua toothpaste. It reminds me not to look down because there's sure to be a gob of it in the sink that is now hardened on the porcelain like super freaking glue.
I could go on but I think I'll stop here. I woke up feeling like shit, nervous about this damn shot, and thinking about all the crap I put up with and I started to cry. My husband doesn't leave for work until 1:15 in the afternoon but could he do anything to help me out with things I needed to do before my appointment? NOPE! I had to manage what I could and leave a note with detailed instructions of what I expect to see when I get home, and put the 16 year old in charge of overseeing it all and feeding the 10 year old breakfast and lunch. Why? Because I do "nothing else" all day and he works 10 hours, comes home and stays up till 3 or 4am, then sleeps until half hour before he has to leave. That's why!
Then my oldest son was supposed to be here a little early (he was taking me) and he decided he would wait until I only had 15 minutes to get there. Then said he had things to do and was I going to take long. Then I really started crying. I can rely on nobody. Nobody! But I'm the one everyone relies on and I had better not let any of them down.
Of course my husband heard me crying and wanted to know what's wrong. I told him to f*** off and it's something he wouldn't care to hear so why bother. And I felt bad but when I tried last night to talk to him about the way I've been feeling lately he didn't want to hear it because he worked all day. The last thing he wants to hear is all the negativity from my day. Well I'm so sorry but for the most part I don't have much positive in my days lately.
My biggest fantasy right now is that I'll wake up and the kids will be grown and on their own. And then I'm packing up, moving, and not leaving a forwarding address. Maybe then I'll have a life of my own that is actually enjoyable. And I can use the ketchup bottle without worrying about sticking to the sides of it from all the ketchup that's dripped down it because I haven't had time to clean it off and nobody else cares to.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tired from Nothing
Wow am I beat! Today has been a full day and tomorrow doesn't look any more relaxing. I don't know why I continue to do everything I do when all of it goes unnoticed. Although depending on who you ask... I do nothing all day.
My day of nothing started with getting the kids some breakfast. I made waffles from scratch, a pitcher of milk (we don't drink cow's milk) and some juice. After getting the kids some breakfast I cleaned up the breakfast mess and rifled through the nearly empty freezer looking for something that would be suitable for lunch, dinner, and an evening snack. I make a mental note that I have GOT to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I decided waffles would have to do for lunch as well, ground meat for dinner as something edible, and grabbed a bag of frozen shredded zucchini for evening snack. Then I ate breakfast and cleaned up my dishes and cleaned up the stove and sink again. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the school room. By now an hour and a half of my day is gone.
I poked around on line for a bit drinking my coffee and going over today's lesson plans. Half an hour later it was time to get my 10 year old started with school work. By now two hours of my day is gone.
After three and a half hours with the 10 year old she managed to complete a worksheet on compound sentences, one on compound predicates, a handwriting assignment, a math worksheet, three reading activities, study spelling words for her test Friday, and practice her math facts. That wraps up math, reading, spelling, and writing for the week. Science and social studies as well as a spelling test is left - this will be a good week for her. It is now time to think about lunch for the kids. Five and a half hours of my day is gone.
After an hour break for lunch and cleanup, I'm now ready to work with my next oldest, one of the teen boys. He needs to get an english assignment done that involves a slide show presentation, a science assignment that involves lots of reading, taking notes and using his brain (oops, Houston we're gonna have a problem!) and a media assignment that involves creating a podcast. Nearly 7 hours of my day is gone, this will take at least two to three hours, and I realize I haven't even peed yet today except for when I first woke up! And the oldest boy, the 18 year old who "is an adult now", still hasn't made it out of his room. Probably still sleeping.
I work with the the other boy on his slide show and show him how to make it look nice and stuff. He had all the information that he needed but the slides were plain and not "presentation" material. So fixing that up with him only took a little over an hour. Eight hours of my day gone.
Next I open up iTunes and download some podcasts for him to listen to. This will give him an idea what he is to do for the media project. He can choose any subject. I suggest something to do with music as he plays the guitar. That idea strikes his fancy and he will do a podcast about how to tune your guitar, get the sound you want out of your pedal, and what to look for in an amp. Yippee! That was quick! Eight and a half hours of my day gone.
Now we move on to the science assignment. I pull up the website he is to use and show him how to copy and past the assignment questions into a blank word document. Then I tell him as he reads the material on the website, and as something pertains to the questions, copy and paste that into the word document under the appropriate question. When he is done he will have his "notes". Now all he will need to do is choose what is or isn't relevant, delete what is not, and then use the rest to answer the questions making sure to interpret into his own words. Sounds easy right? Not for this one. He HATES to read. He wants to skim. He wants to use CTRL+F to find the key words and answer the questions as quickly as possible without reading the material.
Maybe that is why he is so insistent that the "information needed to answer the questions is just not there mom!"... okay then why did I find it? Go and READ the damn material!! Two hours later he has a rough draft and I have a phone call. I talk for a half hour or so and then realize the time! OMG I have to start dinner. 11 hours of my day is gone.
Dinner is elbow macaroni with ground meat and spaghetti sauce. After dinner I decide I'm going to catch up on my email and other stuff I need to do online. Two hours later I head back downstairs to make evening snack and prepare for tomorrow. The oldest boy is finally out of his room and I scream and threaten him to get upstairs and get his schoolwork done. I make 24 zucchini muffins and whip up another bowl of waffle batter. I put that in the fridge for tomorrow and make some more milk. The muffins are done and I put half away for tomorrow. Clean up the kitchen again and go grab a cup of coffee. I grab a muffin and head upstairs with my coffee to work on tomorrow's lesson plans. After an hour I am falling asleep at my desk. Fourteen hours of my day is gone. The oldest one is not at his computer doing his work. Apparently he believes he is done. Hmm... I'm just guessing but perhaps that's why he's 18 and still in 11th grade.
I still need to get a shower, straighten up the laundry room which I noticed is a mess, shave my legs, scoop two litter boxes, clean up my bathroom, straighten up my desk, and write out instructions for the two "functioning" kids for tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment for another cortisone injection into my foot so I won't be here to get them started on their schoolwork.
By the time I am done with all of that roughly 17 hours of my day will be gone. I'll lay awake thinking I forgot something for at least an hour. If I'm lucky I'll get 5-6 hours of sleep and wake up still exhausted for another day of nothing.
My day of nothing started with getting the kids some breakfast. I made waffles from scratch, a pitcher of milk (we don't drink cow's milk) and some juice. After getting the kids some breakfast I cleaned up the breakfast mess and rifled through the nearly empty freezer looking for something that would be suitable for lunch, dinner, and an evening snack. I make a mental note that I have GOT to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I decided waffles would have to do for lunch as well, ground meat for dinner as something edible, and grabbed a bag of frozen shredded zucchini for evening snack. Then I ate breakfast and cleaned up my dishes and cleaned up the stove and sink again. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the school room. By now an hour and a half of my day is gone.
I poked around on line for a bit drinking my coffee and going over today's lesson plans. Half an hour later it was time to get my 10 year old started with school work. By now two hours of my day is gone.
After three and a half hours with the 10 year old she managed to complete a worksheet on compound sentences, one on compound predicates, a handwriting assignment, a math worksheet, three reading activities, study spelling words for her test Friday, and practice her math facts. That wraps up math, reading, spelling, and writing for the week. Science and social studies as well as a spelling test is left - this will be a good week for her. It is now time to think about lunch for the kids. Five and a half hours of my day is gone.
After an hour break for lunch and cleanup, I'm now ready to work with my next oldest, one of the teen boys. He needs to get an english assignment done that involves a slide show presentation, a science assignment that involves lots of reading, taking notes and using his brain (oops, Houston we're gonna have a problem!) and a media assignment that involves creating a podcast. Nearly 7 hours of my day is gone, this will take at least two to three hours, and I realize I haven't even peed yet today except for when I first woke up! And the oldest boy, the 18 year old who "is an adult now", still hasn't made it out of his room. Probably still sleeping.
I work with the the other boy on his slide show and show him how to make it look nice and stuff. He had all the information that he needed but the slides were plain and not "presentation" material. So fixing that up with him only took a little over an hour. Eight hours of my day gone.
Next I open up iTunes and download some podcasts for him to listen to. This will give him an idea what he is to do for the media project. He can choose any subject. I suggest something to do with music as he plays the guitar. That idea strikes his fancy and he will do a podcast about how to tune your guitar, get the sound you want out of your pedal, and what to look for in an amp. Yippee! That was quick! Eight and a half hours of my day gone.
Now we move on to the science assignment. I pull up the website he is to use and show him how to copy and past the assignment questions into a blank word document. Then I tell him as he reads the material on the website, and as something pertains to the questions, copy and paste that into the word document under the appropriate question. When he is done he will have his "notes". Now all he will need to do is choose what is or isn't relevant, delete what is not, and then use the rest to answer the questions making sure to interpret into his own words. Sounds easy right? Not for this one. He HATES to read. He wants to skim. He wants to use CTRL+F to find the key words and answer the questions as quickly as possible without reading the material.
Maybe that is why he is so insistent that the "information needed to answer the questions is just not there mom!"... okay then why did I find it? Go and READ the damn material!! Two hours later he has a rough draft and I have a phone call. I talk for a half hour or so and then realize the time! OMG I have to start dinner. 11 hours of my day is gone.
Dinner is elbow macaroni with ground meat and spaghetti sauce. After dinner I decide I'm going to catch up on my email and other stuff I need to do online. Two hours later I head back downstairs to make evening snack and prepare for tomorrow. The oldest boy is finally out of his room and I scream and threaten him to get upstairs and get his schoolwork done. I make 24 zucchini muffins and whip up another bowl of waffle batter. I put that in the fridge for tomorrow and make some more milk. The muffins are done and I put half away for tomorrow. Clean up the kitchen again and go grab a cup of coffee. I grab a muffin and head upstairs with my coffee to work on tomorrow's lesson plans. After an hour I am falling asleep at my desk. Fourteen hours of my day is gone. The oldest one is not at his computer doing his work. Apparently he believes he is done. Hmm... I'm just guessing but perhaps that's why he's 18 and still in 11th grade.
I still need to get a shower, straighten up the laundry room which I noticed is a mess, shave my legs, scoop two litter boxes, clean up my bathroom, straighten up my desk, and write out instructions for the two "functioning" kids for tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment for another cortisone injection into my foot so I won't be here to get them started on their schoolwork.
By the time I am done with all of that roughly 17 hours of my day will be gone. I'll lay awake thinking I forgot something for at least an hour. If I'm lucky I'll get 5-6 hours of sleep and wake up still exhausted for another day of nothing.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I'm back
Well I'm back to write in my little online journal. Last time I was here was in March. Yikes! So much for sticking with this whole journaling thing.
So what have I been doing since March? Well I'm still homeschooling my kids. I'm still drinking my mocha cappuccino in the evenings. I'm still trying to quit smoking again. Still working on losing weight. And still putting up with the bullshit that has become the normal daily routine in my marriage.
What I haven't been doing is taking my daily walks that I used to love doing. At the moment I can't take my daily walks because I've developed a bone spur on my heel along with plantar fasciitis. Or it may be tarsal tunnel syndrome. Either way the treatment for all three is the same - cortisone injections, ice packs, stretching exercises, and stay off of my feet. The latter is easier said than done unless I want to pee in my bed, let the house become a landfill, or allow the kids to starve.
The whole ordeal is a huge inconvenience. Not only am I confined basically to the house (because I can't really walk very far) but the pain is often just unbearable. For those who don't know what a heel spur is - it feels as though there is a piece of asphalt (you know, the little rocks that break off of a driveway?) inside my heel. Every time I take a step it gouges into my heel bone but also feels like the other end is ready to protrude through the skin at any moment and stick in the floor, nailing me to the spot. It's absolutely, horribly, painful. Take my word on it. I am not one to cry and moan about pain, but I have broke down crying over this pain twice in the last month.
Another thing that has me annoyed at the moment is today's mail. I don't consider myself a tree hugging activist whose constantly preaching about the environment and how to save it. But, I do like to think I'm aware of environmental issues and I do try to be as green as possible. So today's mail put me in a really foul mood and I can't seem to shake it so I guess I'll write about it.
Our insurance company (health insurance) sends out pamphlets four times a year and sometimes in between. Doesn't sound that horrible to put me in a pissy mood you're probably thinking right? Well here's the thing... they send one to EVERYONE in the house enrolled on the plan. We have 5 people here on this plan! So I get 5 pamphlets EVERY time they mail them out. Not tomention all the in between mailings and other crap, again one for each person on the plan!
Now, first of all I may, if I have time, read one of the pamphlets. But come on, how many of us really read this stuff when we can find the same info online?! Ok, back to what I was saying - I may read one. But why would I read all 5??? Therefore it's a waste!! And it's more stuff to sit in the landfill because my city doesn't do recycling curb side. And I'm not totally convinced that when I put the papers and plastics in the recycling receptacles at the drop off points that they are actually recycling the stuff. I don't believe it.
So I called the insurance company and told them I am very happy with the company and the plan but that I do have an environmental concern that I'd like to address with someone. The rep asks me what my concern is. I tell her and ask how I can fix it that I only receive ONE mailing or, preferably, none. She can't relate! She has no idea what I'm trying to tell her and apparently thinks me as crazy as the lady who lives alone in a run down house with 87 cats and eats cat food along with them. *sigh*
So I again explain to her, or try to, that this is an issue I am concerned about, why I am concerned about it, and surely there is someone who can get on the phone with me and listen to my request for less mailings, if not my idea for a better plan for these mailings which, according to the rep, are "automatic".
Apparently there is nobody because I was on hold for about 20 minutes before being transferred to a voice mail of someone who probably was not in today and therefore seemed like a great person to push my issue onto thereby making me think that this person might be the one to solve my issue when they call me back. Which they will most likely either not call me back, or not be the person to resolve the issue when they do, and therefore I will end up in someone else's voice mail! *scream*
So that has me bugged right now. I cannot understand why, in this day and age, with all the talk on global warming and conservation, why I feel like the crazy lady wearing a tin foil hat and lecturing onthe invasion of Martians. Am I the only one who is concerned about our insane production and consumption of paper???
I'm going to wrap this up but leave you all that may be reading with some facts. About paper. And greenhouse gases. And global warming. And maybe tomorrow I'll tell you how to properly make a tin foil hat so that the Martians can't read your mind.
1 tree makes 16.67 reams of copy paper or 8,333 sheets and 1 ream (500 sheets) uses 6% of a tree
In 2004 the United States used 8 million tons of office paper (3.2 billion reams), which is equivalent to 178 million trees.
The U.S. is by far the world’s largest producer and consumer of paper. Per capita U.S. paper consumption is over six times greater than the world average.
The U.S. pulp and paper industry is the second largest consumer of energy and uses more water to produce a ton of product than any other industry. Production of 1 ton of copy paper uses 11,134 kWh which is the same amount of energy used by an avg household in 10 months. Also, the production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 19,075 gallons of waste water.
One ton of paper requires the use of 98 tons of various resources and the production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 2,278 lb of solid waste.
Production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 5,690 lb. of greenhouse gases which is equivalent to 6 months of car exhaust.
Dumping paper in landfill adds methane to the atmosphere as it decomposes, with 20 times the global warming potential of carbon dioxide.
We have lost 95 percent of our old growth forests in the U.S. and 4281 acres of rainforest are lost every hour worldwide.
It takes 3 tons of wood to produce 1 ton of copy paper.
A single mature tree can release enough oxygen back into the atmosphere to support 2 human beings.
If every American family planted just one tree, the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere would be reduced by one billion lbs annually. This is almost 5% of the amount that human activity pumps into the atmosphere each year.
According to the USDA Forest Service, a tree generates $31,250 worth of oxygen, provides $62,000 worth of air pollution control, recycles $37,500 worth of water, and controls $31,250 worth of soil erosion, over a 50-year life span.
So what have I been doing since March? Well I'm still homeschooling my kids. I'm still drinking my mocha cappuccino in the evenings. I'm still trying to quit smoking again. Still working on losing weight. And still putting up with the bullshit that has become the normal daily routine in my marriage.
What I haven't been doing is taking my daily walks that I used to love doing. At the moment I can't take my daily walks because I've developed a bone spur on my heel along with plantar fasciitis. Or it may be tarsal tunnel syndrome. Either way the treatment for all three is the same - cortisone injections, ice packs, stretching exercises, and stay off of my feet. The latter is easier said than done unless I want to pee in my bed, let the house become a landfill, or allow the kids to starve.
The whole ordeal is a huge inconvenience. Not only am I confined basically to the house (because I can't really walk very far) but the pain is often just unbearable. For those who don't know what a heel spur is - it feels as though there is a piece of asphalt (you know, the little rocks that break off of a driveway?) inside my heel. Every time I take a step it gouges into my heel bone but also feels like the other end is ready to protrude through the skin at any moment and stick in the floor, nailing me to the spot. It's absolutely, horribly, painful. Take my word on it. I am not one to cry and moan about pain, but I have broke down crying over this pain twice in the last month.
Another thing that has me annoyed at the moment is today's mail. I don't consider myself a tree hugging activist whose constantly preaching about the environment and how to save it. But, I do like to think I'm aware of environmental issues and I do try to be as green as possible. So today's mail put me in a really foul mood and I can't seem to shake it so I guess I'll write about it.
Our insurance company (health insurance) sends out pamphlets four times a year and sometimes in between. Doesn't sound that horrible to put me in a pissy mood you're probably thinking right? Well here's the thing... they send one to EVERYONE in the house enrolled on the plan. We have 5 people here on this plan! So I get 5 pamphlets EVERY time they mail them out. Not tomention all the in between mailings and other crap, again one for each person on the plan!
Now, first of all I may, if I have time, read one of the pamphlets. But come on, how many of us really read this stuff when we can find the same info online?! Ok, back to what I was saying - I may read one. But why would I read all 5??? Therefore it's a waste!! And it's more stuff to sit in the landfill because my city doesn't do recycling curb side. And I'm not totally convinced that when I put the papers and plastics in the recycling receptacles at the drop off points that they are actually recycling the stuff. I don't believe it.
So I called the insurance company and told them I am very happy with the company and the plan but that I do have an environmental concern that I'd like to address with someone. The rep asks me what my concern is. I tell her and ask how I can fix it that I only receive ONE mailing or, preferably, none. She can't relate! She has no idea what I'm trying to tell her and apparently thinks me as crazy as the lady who lives alone in a run down house with 87 cats and eats cat food along with them. *sigh*
So I again explain to her, or try to, that this is an issue I am concerned about, why I am concerned about it, and surely there is someone who can get on the phone with me and listen to my request for less mailings, if not my idea for a better plan for these mailings which, according to the rep, are "automatic".
Apparently there is nobody because I was on hold for about 20 minutes before being transferred to a voice mail of someone who probably was not in today and therefore seemed like a great person to push my issue onto thereby making me think that this person might be the one to solve my issue when they call me back. Which they will most likely either not call me back, or not be the person to resolve the issue when they do, and therefore I will end up in someone else's voice mail! *scream*
So that has me bugged right now. I cannot understand why, in this day and age, with all the talk on global warming and conservation, why I feel like the crazy lady wearing a tin foil hat and lecturing onthe invasion of Martians. Am I the only one who is concerned about our insane production and consumption of paper???
I'm going to wrap this up but leave you all that may be reading with some facts. About paper. And greenhouse gases. And global warming. And maybe tomorrow I'll tell you how to properly make a tin foil hat so that the Martians can't read your mind.
1 tree makes 16.67 reams of copy paper or 8,333 sheets and 1 ream (500 sheets) uses 6% of a tree
In 2004 the United States used 8 million tons of office paper (3.2 billion reams), which is equivalent to 178 million trees.
The U.S. is by far the world’s largest producer and consumer of paper. Per capita U.S. paper consumption is over six times greater than the world average.
The U.S. pulp and paper industry is the second largest consumer of energy and uses more water to produce a ton of product than any other industry. Production of 1 ton of copy paper uses 11,134 kWh which is the same amount of energy used by an avg household in 10 months. Also, the production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 19,075 gallons of waste water.
One ton of paper requires the use of 98 tons of various resources and the production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 2,278 lb of solid waste.
Production of 1 ton of copy paper produces 5,690 lb. of greenhouse gases which is equivalent to 6 months of car exhaust.
Dumping paper in landfill adds methane to the atmosphere as it decomposes, with 20 times the global warming potential of carbon dioxide.
We have lost 95 percent of our old growth forests in the U.S. and 4281 acres of rainforest are lost every hour worldwide.
It takes 3 tons of wood to produce 1 ton of copy paper.
A single mature tree can release enough oxygen back into the atmosphere to support 2 human beings.
If every American family planted just one tree, the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere would be reduced by one billion lbs annually. This is almost 5% of the amount that human activity pumps into the atmosphere each year.
According to the USDA Forest Service, a tree generates $31,250 worth of oxygen, provides $62,000 worth of air pollution control, recycles $37,500 worth of water, and controls $31,250 worth of soil erosion, over a 50-year life span.
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