Well I had my doctor's appointment today for my injection. Ugh, I must admit this time was not as painful as the last. But damn! That is the worst place to get a freaking shot!! I'm not sure if all the podiatrists use the same spot but this doc sticks you right on the inside of your heel in that fleshy little part near your arch. The stick itself doesn't hurt as much as the burning, nerve like feeling associated with it. I'm telling you I wanted to kick him in the face it's that awful. I usually tell my kids shots don't hurt and suck it up when they get one. That's because I have never felt one before so they don't bother me. I will NEVER say that to them again I can assure you of that.
I also just found out that what I am getting (cortisone injections) is actually a steroid! So now I'm panicking a bit. What the hell? Why wasn't I told this? Shouldn't I have been given a paper or something about it before the first injection? Or shouldn't he have at least said "Hey, um, you do know this is a steroid right?" And I don't even want to look it up online because then I'll see all the risks and complications and tomorrow I will have them all knowing me. I'm better off leaving it alone and hoping this week's therapy works and I can cancel next week's appointment.
Not to keep whining about it but I'm thinking he gave me a higher dose this time because I feel it still stinging and I feel nauseous and queasy. Last week's shot only kept me pain free for 4 days and upon telling him this he said this time we'll see if we can't get me "over that hump". So did he give me more than last time? Or am I just working myself up because I found out it's a steroid? I don't know. Probably the latter. I tend to make myself sick (literally) when I get worked up and stressed out. I wish I could stop doing that.
Anyway on to other sickening stuff, lol. No seriously though, lying awake last night I was thinking about stuff. I finally got to sleep at about 4/4:30. I knew that would happen. I was thinking about the stupid shot, and all the other crap going on in my life right now with the kids, and our financial situation at the moment, and my moron of a husband who I'm finding out after 11 years I just really don't like anymore. At all. But I was thinking about things that are never likely to happen. My fantasies.
For instance, only having to say one time for someone to do something and they actually doit. Or when someone spills juice or milk in the fridge that they actually grab a paper towel and clean it up right away. That the dog would stop being a little shit about the high grass outside and stop being so afraid to go out that she pisses on my rug. Or how about this... that instead of me lugging out the steam cleaner that maybe someone else will do it and clean it up?? And why is it so hard for everyone to close the shower curtain upon exiting the shower so that the water does not collect in the folds and cause mildew? Can anyone but me wipe the mirror off after brushing their teeth? I don't like seeing my reflection with little specks of white or aqua toothpaste. It reminds me not to look down because there's sure to be a gob of it in the sink that is now hardened on the porcelain like super freaking glue.
I could go on but I think I'll stop here. I woke up feeling like shit, nervous about this damn shot, and thinking about all the crap I put up with and I started to cry. My husband doesn't leave for work until 1:15 in the afternoon but could he do anything to help me out with things I needed to do before my appointment? NOPE! I had to manage what I could and leave a note with detailed instructions of what I expect to see when I get home, and put the 16 year old in charge of overseeing it all and feeding the 10 year old breakfast and lunch. Why? Because I do "nothing else" all day and he works 10 hours, comes home and stays up till 3 or 4am, then sleeps until half hour before he has to leave. That's why!
Then my oldest son was supposed to be here a little early (he was taking me) and he decided he would wait until I only had 15 minutes to get there. Then said he had things to do and was I going to take long. Then I really started crying. I can rely on nobody. Nobody! But I'm the one everyone relies on and I had better not let any of them down.
Of course my husband heard me crying and wanted to know what's wrong. I told him to f*** off and it's something he wouldn't care to hear so why bother. And I felt bad but when I tried last night to talk to him about the way I've been feeling lately he didn't want to hear it because he worked all day. The last thing he wants to hear is all the negativity from my day. Well I'm so sorry but for the most part I don't have much positive in my days lately.
My biggest fantasy right now is that I'll wake up and the kids will be grown and on their own. And then I'm packing up, moving, and not leaving a forwarding address. Maybe then I'll have a life of my own that is actually enjoyable. And I can use the ketchup bottle without worrying about sticking to the sides of it from all the ketchup that's dripped down it because I haven't had time to clean it off and nobody else cares to.
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